So many thoughts…

empty-thoughts-t13491So many thoughts,
I don’t know where to begin…

I’ve been on one my semi-regular writing hiatuses.
Those times when I am swept up in life and all it’s amazing happenings that I don’t find the time to put my thoughts in a succinct and concise form that I may share with the world.

Strewn about me are clips and quips of thoughts. On liners, sentences, stanzas, images, doodles, and mixes of all of the above.
But they are far too scattered and disorganized to share in any meaningful way…

I must write.

And write I shall…

Let’s talk about synchronicity.
It’s a good place to start, as good a place as any, a place that connects to any, to every, other place.

Synchronicity is when the seemingly unrelated or unconnected meet in a meaningful way.

Two events, separated by time and place and circumstance, are actually intrinsically connected by their meaning and effect upon the observer.

Something like quantum entanglement. quantum_entanglement

You can’t quite explain why or how, but it is there, you can feel it.

I have recently been in a synchronicity well, a period of time involving a large amount of synchronistic experiences.

~ A good question to ask is – Am I having an increased number of synchronistic experiences, or am I merely more aware of their occurrence, or is my awareness increasing their occurrence? Food for thought. ~

Regardless of the why and how, I am having them.

One example:

I have a friend who is a Reiki master, and for several months we have had the intend of having a Reiki session (with the ultimate goal of me learning this skill). Circumstance always seemed to prevent this from happening. Something always came up. It happens, life gets busy, we have other responsibilities. (kind of like me writing this blog 🙂 )

I had some intense and profound experiences a couple of nights ago, involving a cemetery, a good friend, 2 doses of lysergic acid, a bottle of wine, and a sunrise.
These experiences brought a lot of things to light. Things about myself and my interactions with the world. I laughed, I cried, I opened some wounds, and faced some daemons. It was an experience of growth.

reiki_request

The next day I awoke to the sound of my phone.
It was my friend asking if I’m interested in a Reiki session.
Why not?
There’s no time like the present.

She picks me up and off we go.
The mood is set, the place prepared, and off we go.

My intention is to become a Reiki practitioner myself.
So I decide that if I am going to give this gift to others, I have to open myself up to the experience fully, no holding back. Let it go, let it happen, embrace and truly experience it.
So I do.

I breath deeply, listening to her advice, and remembering what I had learned through my yoga and meditation experiences. Clearing my conscious mind, and allowing the feelings and images to proceed as they will. As my mind and body require them.

Reiki_Hands151153042_std

Needless to say but the experience was profound.
I can feel the heat build between her hands and my body. I know where her hands are even when there is no direct physical contact. I can feel the energy moving through the lines of my body, and I can feel where it is blocked, where it is being resisted.
Images and thoughts pass through my mind. Feelings and memories. Wounds and scars. Joy and sadness. Dark and light.

I realized that my experiences in the cemetery were about smashing open barriers, and the Reiki was about understanding. About healing old wounds, actually facing them, so that I can move past them. So that I can grow.

Some parts were difficult, there were (and are) things I didn’t want to look at. Feelings of shame, embarrassment, fear.
I cried… a little 🙂

We could both feel areas of trauma, of resistance. Old wounds that had never really healed. Things tucked into dark corners, never to be looked at again… until now.

I know that this isn’t sounding like all that much fun, but it is, in it’s own way.
It’s about growth. Hands Holding a Seedling and Soil
It’s about self-improvement.
And my god does it feel good.

It about becoming a better version of myself.
It’s about loving myself.

Because despite all the shit I’ve done, I am still worthy of love.
We’re all human, and that makes us capable of such dark things. But it also makes us capable of such great things.
But to be truly great, we have to own up to the darkness. Look it in the eye and say, “fuck off, your time is over. Now it’s my time. My time to shine. Now I can be the person that I am truly meant to be, here and now. Not living in past memories, being past people. I am me, here and now!”

This isn’t some miracle cure, where one hour of Reiki will fix all your problems.
It’s about helping you fix your own problems.

“I can only show you the door,  it is you who must walk through it.”

It’s about bringing these things to light, so you can face them, take responsibility for them, own them, and then let them go.

I still have a long road ahead of me. It is merely the tip of the iceberg.
But that thought no longer brings me fear, I embrace the challenge, I am ready to grow.

So here goes…

Onward & Upward
Time to Grow

chakra-Symbols1

So what’s the next step?

Well, I’m not totally sure.
There will be more Reiki of course, but I need time between sessions, time to process.
Some thoughts were the use of flower essences to help bring balance.
Also the use of art as expression. Using colour to describe my feelings on a day to day basis.

What do you think?

What techniques do you know of and think would be beneficial me?
That could help bring  balance to my life?

I am open to suggestions and would greatly appreciate the feedback.

Thank you,

Namaste.

And speaking of art as a form of expression,
here is a drawing I did a last week.

DSC03729

One thought on “So many thoughts…

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