Book of Face: Ch. 9, Verses 9-17

“Thou shall not Use Bad Grammar”

In the early days of the interwebs, only those people with higher education were permitted to use it. But as time went on more people were able to enjoy it’s uses. Able to make posts and leave comments. With this change came a dreaded side effect…

Bad grammar! (Dear god!)

That’s right ladies and gentlemen not everyone who uses this miraculous device knows the proper usage of your (or you’re, or yore). It seems that the internet is doomed to failure. Let’s pack it up, chuck it out and start over before the whole thing blows up in our face. We just can’t afford to take the risk of having borderline illiterate people writing (or reading) things in the public domain. It’s just too dangerous.

I mean what if I were reading an important article about the NWO and I read a line talking about the evils of you’re government?
“Wait, is my government evil? Or am I the government? Oh god! I don’t even know what side I’m on anymore!! Am I the oppressor or the oppressed? My whole world has been turned upside down!”

Now do you see the dangers involved? The mass hysteria that could be caused by the improper use of the English language. It could be devastating!

Thank goodness for the Grammar Police. Those individuals who selflessly give their invaluable time to roaming the internet and protecting us from bad grammar. I mean they could be using those services for proof reading and aspiring author’s novel, or just cleaning up trash, but no, they use the limited time they have been granted on this earth to save us all from bad grammar. God bless the Grammar Police.

For instance, today I was reading an interesting article on the plan to build a clock that will run for 10.000 years (pretty cool stuff). I reached the end and browsed the comments (the one comment).

“He means silicon, not silicone.”
Oh thank you blessed one for eliminating the ignorance of the world, and preventing us from confusing the element silicon with the silicon containing polymer, silicone. I have been saved from a life of ignorance.

So what causes an individual to join the Grammar Police?

My guess is lack of a loving home during childhood.
Or parents who were grammar school teachers in the Third Reich. “Nien! Ist bin youre as in ‘You are going to Dachau’”.
Or it’s some desire to be recognized. “Good job Billy! You have the grammar abilities of a third grader. Congratulations (you ass!).”

Now don’t get me wrong, I get frustrated with bad English on the interwebs too (i bein chill wit my gurlz and is lik wat th fuck! – WTF does that even mean?). But that doesn’t mean I have to fill every comment box with grammar lessons, let’s talk about content for crying out loud! I get the point that’s trying to be conveyed, it’ll do for now, we’re not having a scholarly debate on the juxtaposition of the allegory in Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea. This is a facebook status update about whether they’re (there) going to the movies or not. Is it really a big deal? Save your (yurr) breath (and your fingers) and move on.

Let’s talk about content.

I was in the midst of an intense facebook debate…

Things were getting heated…

“Hey hippie, why don’t you drop some more acid, cause money and oil is what makes the world go round.”

“Well my good sir, your mistaken, in fact there are viable alternatives to the use of fossil fuels, take for instance hemp based bio-fuels and plastics, in fact nearly every usable form of oil based products can be replaced with a hemp based equivalent. And in regards to your comments on money, the most important services in our communities are unpaid volunteers works. In fact our communities and our society would begin to crumble without the people that are willing to donate their time to the betterment of their fellow man. It is the mark of a thriving and vibrant community.”

“Your misuse of your/you’re has negated all of your following arguments.”

Wha?! So a small grammatical error has negated sound logic and reasoning? How does that make any sense? Who’s ignorant now?

We all make mistakes.

We all make grammatical mistakes (don’t kid yourself, you’ve done it to. Affect vs effect, we’ve all done that one). Sure there’s people out there who can’t string words together to make complete and proper sentences, we’ve all seen them. But the majority of grammar mistakes are made by people like you and me. Regular folk who understand the difference between they’re/there/their (we passed grade 3 after all), but sometimes in our haste to type out that witty little quip have accidentally typed your instead of you’re. It happens, we’re all human, and humans make mistakes. Get over it. Does the entirety of the interwebs need to know that you, and you alone, are aware of the difference between a possessive (your) and a contraction (you’re)? We get it, you took an English course while you were in college, but we’re not impressed by that.

Post that A+ that you got in grade school grammar class on your fridge at home and keep it off our interwebs.

Namaste,
And may all you’re grammar be correct.

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